yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
