so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
