omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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