try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
