i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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