would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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