i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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