he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
