I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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