This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
