When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
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