Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
