Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
