if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
