before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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