HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
a search helicopter?!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
