i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
