hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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