the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
