So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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