New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
