if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
