Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
