ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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