I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
