Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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