9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
