According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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