I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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