and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
