so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
