There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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