apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
