i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I will be naked everywhere
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
