We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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