Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
