Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
