look no pants
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
