He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
