What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
