It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
