I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
