sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
