I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
