You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
