My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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