I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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