Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
