After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
