I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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