Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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