Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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