I've blown a few things in my day
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
