let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize