Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
