Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
