pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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