pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
