You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
