i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
