how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
