So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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