cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
