People in love make me want to vomit
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
