apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
