With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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