How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
