Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize