I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
where are you?
Hypothermia
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize