I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
