I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize