well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
