I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
