I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
