so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
