I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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