The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
