youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
