when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
