I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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