I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize