Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
