I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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