There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She bit a glass in half.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
