Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My hand turned me down
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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