The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
