haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
