did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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