also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
