about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
