Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
