What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
